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By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright February 2008

(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)

“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”

*Below is the sixteenth episode in a series of real life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.

In the last article, “Experiences from ‘The Flow’(15) - Farang: Interpretation of Your Results,” we began discussing Neutral Relationships.

Next, I provided a word of caution about avoiding a false sense of security and describing a normal Western/Asian Neutral Relationship.

Then you were introduced to “kiks” (Pronounced “geeks,” a Thai word for “mistress or side-girlfriend/boyfriend) and the kind of life they lead.

Lastly, we talked about some historical perspectives on relationships.

In this article, we will explore the reasons why Neutral Relationships still exist today and why these types of relationships are better left alone.

- Perpetuation of Neutral Relationships -

Unlike the past when Neutral Relationships proliferated in order to survive harsh living conditions, there are still many Neutral Relationships today that are not based on mere survival.

Why? Ignorance.

Some people, especially in less modernized countries, simply don’t know any better. They are stuck in a cultural/economic trap.

In all Asian countries, especially in the rural areas, existence that’s above mere survival is still the “Holy Grail,” the lofty goal that only a few people can attain. Busy trying to survive, these people have not been taught about all of the human joys that a relationship (with a compatible partner) can generate. They’ve been sheltered from any notions of seeking and obtaining long-term happiness from any relationship.

Since plain ole’ “hand to mouth” or “paycheck to paycheck” survival is their reality, anything more than that is considered over and above the main purpose of coupling with a mate.

In fact, most people from rural Asia are overjoyed to have ANY partner - much less a partner who makes them happy.

They can’t afford to be picky.

- Fear vs. Desire -

Another big reason why Neutral Relationships still abound is fear (specifically fear vs. desire).

Fear of being alone (a true phobia of loneliness) causes many to stay in Neutral relationships. In those cases, the fear of loneliness dwarfs the desire for all else. Yes, these people may secretly yearn for an exciting or fulfilling relationship, but the thought of “being alone” terrifies them.

Ironically, most of these people don’t realize that being alone does not automatically lead to loneliness.

- Aside: Recommended Reading -

If you are one of those people - meaning: a person who doesn’t know how to be happy with yourself, by yourself, I urge you to read the articles: “How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive” and “Remember Who You Are!” They are two of my most popular/widely read articles.

Really, if you are one of those people who feel like “half a person,” or simply go stir-crazy (or depressed, or lonely) when you are alone, please read those articles.

They will help you realize that being alone is not the end of the world and can actually be liberating.

I wrote those articles last year when I was trying to cope with the antics of my last girlfriend. Initially, with acidic sarcasm, but now with humorous irony (even affection); I dubbed her “The Magician” – a professional escape artist/disappearing act specialist!

I was extremely lonely and unhappy, simply miserable.

Since I knew that all human suffering can be traced down to an error in thought (i.e., a point of view that serves no positive purpose), I desperately searched for my own personal answers.

In the articles, I point toward the Illusive Secret of Happiness – Yourself.

I teach you how to regain the power (YOUR POWER) that you have unconsciously given to someone (or something else).

Okay, back to the current discussion.

A large percentage of the population prefers being alone.

Others, myself included, demand my own personal time everyday. I openly acknowledge this need for personal reflection/creative time. More so than most, I feel like something is definitely wrong when I’m too busy to have time for myself.

I require this time alone to think, exercise, read, and write everyday. My partner knows this and we schedule our day accordingly. She usually does something she wants to do (happily, not grudgingly) during the alone time.

I asked a friend of mine, “Why do you stay with her even though she does nothing for you?”

He said, “I just like having her around. We never DO anything, but at least I’m not alone.”

Until he changes his own personal philosophy on relationships (or she goes overboard on Minus items), I’m sure his situation – and future situations - will be the same.

Most likely, in my friend’s case, his girlfriend will take whatever she can get and move on. It’s happened before and I’m certain it will happen again.

Oh well, it’s his life.

- The Scorpion and the Frog -

Once there was a scorpion and a frog beside a river. Since the scorpion could not swim well, he asked the frog for a piggyback ride across the river.

“If I give you a ride, you will sting me, and I will die,” says the frog.

“Why would I do that? If I sting you while riding on your back, we will both die,” says the scorpion.

So, the frog agrees to take the scorpion across the river.

Half-way across the river, the scorpion raises his tail and delivers a fatal sting.

“Why did you sting me? Now we will both die,” the frog gasps.

“Because it’s my nature,” says the scorpion.

And with that, the scorpion stings himself.

Remember this: You can never change anyone’s basic nature unless it’s their idea in the first place. In spite of external prodding or pressure, people don’t change unless they want to.

And, for complex reasons I may never understand, some people plainly self-destruct!

You must accept this fact. Not doing so invites chronic disappointment in your life – to stay.

- Being Alone vs. Neutral Relationships -

Let me spend a little time now extolling the virtues of being alone versus being in a Neutral Relationship.

Think of this.

There is no movement on Your Satisfaction Scale. This means you are neither overtly compatible, nor grossly incompatible. There’s no “Run away now!” repulsion; but there’s also no strong attraction either.

Neutral.

You can get this level of compatibility from any perfect stranger!

Why invest so much of your time, money, and emotions into a Neutral Relationship where your net level of compatibility equals that of a stranger?

Think. Think hard!

With a stranger, no give and take has taken place yet.

Meaning: a stranger hasn’t already drained any personal resources from you!

Why escalate your commitment in a Neutral Relationship when the net relationship benefits (Pluses less Minuses) equal those of a stranger?

Bottom line on Neutral Relationships?

Unless there is a realistic belief that more Pluses will be added and some Minuses will be deleted (effectively changing the relationship into a Positive tipping of Your Scale), Neutral Relationships are not worth the time, effort, money, and emotion.

It’s your choice. You can keep pouring your precious life energy into a Neutral Relationship, or you can get off your duff and get some Pluses for the Pluses you are giving from another person.

- Change Your Scale -

If you’re in a Neutral Relationship, I hope I’ve provided enough rationale in this article to motivate you to change the picture of Your Scale. Hopefully, you are making Your Scale sway toward Compatibility - constantly adding Pluses and deleting Minuses.

Additionally, if need be, I trust that you now have the fortitude to walk away from a Neutral Relationship that shows no signs of changing.

(Continued in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’(17) - Farang: Further Interpretation. Lopsided Scales.”)

“Until next time, find ‘The Flow’ and jump in!”

Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo

Farang, Asia, neutral, net benefit, ignorance, fear, desire, relationship, pluses, minuses, compatibility, satisfaction, scale, needs, desires.

Note: If you want to read more about Asian and Western cultural differences, finding unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’: From Heartbreak to Happiness”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (2): Coincidence or Synchronicity: FROM RELAPSE TO MIRACLES…”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (3): LOST AND FOUND - Kindred Spirits and Mistakes made in Haste.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (4): LOST AND FOUND – Meant to Be?”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (5): “The Stray”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (6): “New Beginnings, Old Endings”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (7) - Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Myth”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (8) Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Reality, Stupidity, and Hard Knocks.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (9): New Girlfriend, New Life.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) - Farangs: In (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now!

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) - Farang: Square Peg, Round Hole? Compatibility Issues.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) - Farang: Compatibility Issues II”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (14) - Farang: Tipping the Scales. Good or Bad?”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (15) - Farang: Interpretation of Your Results.”

“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”

“Remember Who You Are!”

“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”

(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com