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Life truly is simply one huge circle, we all only get one chance to leave our very own personal stamp upon the crumbling-society that we now live in,….. it is up to us how we actually do this & therefore what impression we leave once we have gone.

In the womb we are protected from harm, ( supposedly), we are nurtured  & ’shielded’ from the outside world until the day comes when take our very first breath & our own unique life-cycle begins.

Some of us are lucky enough to be raised within the love & comfort of ‘ a ‘true’ warm, secure & loving environment & for me personally i had always ‘believed’ that this was also true for me,…… unfortunately from the very tender age of only twelve years of age i was to learn one of lthe cruellest lessons that  so many children continue to suffer every day.

I was abused by a family member, ( someone whom i had always thought that i could trust implicitly), this happened again when i was approximately fourteen years of age, ( it could have happened again when i was around five months pregnant with my second child only i was stronger by then & made sure that he knew if  he ever did try & touch me again i would reveal his terrible secret).

There are those i know who ask themselves why i did not come forward  the first time it happened,…. all i can say to this is, …… i was terrified of tearing my family to pieces & so i remained  quiet & now  the man who became part of the reason that my life spiralled out of control is no more & he will answer to a much higher authority.

I then at the tender age of sixteen years of  age married  someone whom because of  vocation i believed would only ever  love & protect me,……. he was a soldier in the British army….. & as it turned out also a deadly silent abusive monster, however because i was still very young & had a lot of pride i decided that i had to try & make it work.

Fourteen & a half years  & three children later after years of  being  poked, pushed, pulled, spat at, having my hair pulled, having a knife held to my throat, ( as well as being held by the throat), being slapped, punched, called vile names & having to watch as scalding-hot food rain down upon my children the end finally came.

I was left angry, bewildered & disgusted when  reagardless of  what i had told my solicitor my ex-husban d was still allowed to have our children visit at the weekends,…… not even in my most horrific   nightmares did i envision the torment that he soon  put our children through.

It was my eldest child who first broke the terrible silence,…… from that moment on our lives were never the same,…. physical & psycholical abuse had been a world in which my daughter had been forced to endure as she realised that if she spoke out her sister & brother would  suffer more too & she refused to allow that to happen.

However  the chameleon soon shed his camouflage &  in truth my children had been living in a world of intimidation & fear,….. their  ‘father’  ( the demon as i now refer to him) told my children that if they ever said anything then he would see to it that  i came to some harm & therefore they would never see me again.

As the terrifying, soul- destroying truth emerged i knew that the time had finally come to put a stop to the demons rein of  terror,….. a lengthy court-case ensued & i had to sit & watch as  the demon  once again became the actor that he had always portrayed to his family & the  rest of the outside world when we were married.

He came across as a poor misunderstood man who portrayed ‘HIMSELF’ as the  ‘VICTIM’, …… he played for the sympathy vote as his solicitor claimed that i had ‘put the children up to’ maligning him, writing hurtful material about him & generally trying to destroy his life,……. ‘HOWEVER’  due to the fact that our then ten year old son had tried to hang himself as a  final cry for help & the fact that  the demon had upon two seperate occasions attempted to kick my door down it was decided that  although there was not any significant evidence against him regarding the abuse of our children he was only given communication  with the children in the form of letters.

It was approximately three months later when much to my children’s disgust & heartbreak that their father ‘ADMITTED’ to everything that he had done to them & asked for their  ‘ FORGIVENESS’ ,……. once again he had  played the game to perfection as he was only too aware that the children’s & my severe mental exhaustion would stop us from pursuing another attempt at having him prosecuted.

Now my children & i  are trying our best to ‘move-on’ ,…… regular counselling is obviously needed as the mental-scars will obviously ‘NEVER’ heal, ( my eldest daughter lives with permanent damage to  her right arm after her father dislocated her arm & shattered all the nerves for good measure),….. we are all now living in a new area after  i was forced  ‘once-again’ to  take my children & run to a place of safety after the demon & another family member threatened our lives because we spoke out.

Here is the ‘punchline’ ,……. i have been told that i  was ‘WRONG’  to  protect my children & should have stayed where we were,…… we were threatened with being ‘ hunted-down’, & so i  asked the police for their help,…… they  ‘ GAVE THOSE CONCERNED A  WARNING’  ,……. & worst of all it has been deemed that because i took my children away from any harm that may have befallen them i made us all intentionally homeless & therefore we will not receive any help to help us find a new home.

The truth is  that if  any harm had  come to us ( especially  my children) i still do not think the  police or  others involved in  the hell that we have been forced to endure would care,…… so as a mother, a wife & a human-being i am afraid that i have no faith left  in the law or our  society as a whole anymore.

If  protecting  my children  is ‘WRONG’……… then in truth society truly has gone mad.